Our second installment of Squirrels in the News raises an interesting existential question: if you don’t see where squirrels go to die (other than beneath a car’s wheels), does that mean they live forever? A fellow in Ontario thinks so:

Now that got me thinking about the squirrels. Where do they physically go to die? They live in trees. If they are not in a tree already, they are running toward a tree; we all know this from common observation every time we go for a walk in the park.

Now let me observe that a dead squirrel cannot cling to a tree and keep himself or herself from falling to the ground. That makes sense, too. Only live squirrels can use their little claws to stay up in a tree according to their own will. So one would think that when a squirrel dies it would fall out of the tree and land on the ground right where the tree stands. However, we never see dead squirrels lying on the ground in the park under the very trees where they spend all their lives. So where do they go to die?

I have given it some thought and I think I know the answer — they are immortal.

Rest of the article here. Alas, Walter, although that’s a nice idea, it seems our furry friends live only about three years. My guess is that scavengers like crows, dogs, or birds of prey pick up expired squirrels before you notice them littering the bases of trees.